Coming of Age: Final

            Today was finally the big day; the first day of high school. "I'm going to be absolutely fine," I reassured myself, "Today was going to be the start of a new beginning. I could finally get that fresh, clean start that I always wished for."  After checking my reflection with my phone for what seemed to be the thousandth time, I began to walk the steep hill leading to Moanalua High School.  As I stepped onto the campus, my confidence quickly began to drop. Here I was, in a new environment, surrounded by a bunch of people that I've never seen before, all in their own cliques. I just got here and I was already feeling sad and alone - great. Luckily, a few minutes later the first bell rang, signaling the start of school. 

            Like a typical new kid, I sat all the way in the back, silent. Sure, I gave some awkward, friendly smiles to people in the class, but for the most part, I remained quiet. And that's pretty much how the rest of my classes that day went.  When I got home I recapped what had happened that day and suddenly I started getting all sad again. "Today's only the first day. It's normal to be feeling like this. Things are going to get better eventually," I reminded myself. But sadly, the rest of that first week was the same. And so was the next week after that. And the next week after that. I began to think that things were never going to get better. As more weeks had passed, more work had been given to us and classes started running normally.

            One day during English, we were given an assignment to write an essay. I sat there that whole period, frozen, staring at my blank paper, while everyone else in the class wrote paragraphs and paragraphs. My mind was completely empty. I'd write a paragraph, erase it entirely, write a new paragraph, and repeat the same thing all over again. The negative thoughts that I've been having that entire year couldn't leave my head. After several failed attempts, I started to grow even more sad and mad at myself. My eyes started to water and my vision was getting blurry. I thought about how stupid I was and how lonely I was. I thought about how much I hated this new school and how much I missed my old school, how much I missed my old friends. Tears began to stream down my face and onto my not-so-empty paper. I was having an emotional breakdown in the middle of class- how embarrassing.

            I couldn't believe how different my high school experience had been so far. I was no longer that loud, crazy girl, with a bunch of friends. I was quiet, shy, and pretty much a loser with only one friend. I didn't know anybody. I was no longer that smart girl in every class. I was that stupid one with a low GPA. My confidence had decreased by a lot. I missed my old friends. I missed my old self. I hated high school. I hated everything.

                One day after school, to get my stress out, I went to Kalihi YMCA to workout. The place was already like a second home to me so just being there made me feel the slightest bit more happy. I went on many different machines that worked out my lower body. I went on machines that worked out my thighs, hamstrings, and calves. After about an hour of working out, my body started to ache. It came to that point where I could barely move my muscles. Because I wasn't so used to working out, it was very new for me to experience that kind of physical pain. However, even though my body was hurting, I kept pushing myself. I struggled for an extra five minutes, until I felt my body giving up. It was then that I realized something; things aren't  going to come easy in life. You're going to need to motivate yourself and push yourself to try to get to where you want to be. Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone.
            From that day forward, I started pushing myself to step out of my comfort zone. I started talking to more people and joining more activities. Later on that year, I ended up joining Moanalua's Judo team. This not only helped me to gain muscular strength, but it also helped me to gain the confidence that I needed. I also ended up joining many different programs outside of school, such as the Hiroshima Exchange Program and the Youth in Government Program. Through these programs, I built many strong relationships and created many memories with a lot of people. In fact, I met people from all the way across the country. I also gained knowledge on myself as a person. I learned that stepping out of your comfort zone can open many doors in your life. In short, I learned that things aren't going to come easy in life. You need to work for it. The hardest things in life are the ones are most rewarding.