Querencia First Draft

                As I lay on my bed, eyes watery and heart throbbing, I stare at my ceiling fan- its blades simultaneously rotating clockwise in a fast motion. The blades seem to fit exactly in its spot. They seem to know exactly where they’re headed to next and when to move. How can these man-made objects know so much when I, a human being, can’t even figure out where I belong and where I’m headed? Negative thoughts continue to fill up my mind, forcing me even deeper and deeper into the Earth. The slight pain that I had on earlier begins to build even stronger, spreading throughout my body. I can feel it stabbing me from my chest all the way down to my feet. Why am I even here? It feels as if my body is ready to give up. “Think positive thoughts, Christine,” I tell myself.  I let out a deep sigh and push my hands onto the bed, trying to sit up. It feels as if I’m fighting gravity.

            
When I finally get myself to sit up, I peer out my window and lean my forehead on the cold glass. It’s late at night and dark outside so there are no cars passing up and down the street. I look out farther into the distance. Colorful, blurry circles float amongst the sky along with shining stars. As if on cue, my negative thoughts slowly begin to fade away. My body feels different, somewhat lighter. My body lifts up, along with my mood. I wipe away the pools in my eyes and suddenly everything becomes so clear.  I’m looking at the city side of Hawaii. My mind wanders off in the distance and into the city. I feel happy- relaxed, almost. As my eyes continue to get lost in the beautiful city lights, positive thoughts enter my body, cancelling out on all my negativity. The scenery is just so beautiful. After an hour of deep thinking and getting my thoughts lost in the city, I lay back down. With a clear mind set, my body sinks back into my cold, purple bed sheets.

                

Thinking back at the many sleepless nights this situation has occurred, I realize that my bedroom window has always been my "special place”. It was like my home away from home. My bedroom window was more to me than a place to show me beautiful scenery. It was something I can rely on to make me feel good again. It’s something I know I don’t need to dress up or act a certain way for, being as it’s not a human being. Looking amongst the view, I can re-collect my thoughts and easily go to sleep. I didn’t need anyone to rely on to make me feel happy because I know that at night there will always be the city that I can look and depend on. The night sky always inspires me to have a good perspective on things, including myself.