Coming of Age: Draft

Today was finally the big day; the first day of high school. "I'm going to be absolutely fine," I reassured myself. Today was going to be the start of a new beginning. I could finally get that fresh, clean start that I always wished for. After checking my reflection with my phone for what seemed to be the thousandth time, I began to walk the steep hill leading to Moanalua High School.  As I stepped onto the campus, my confidence quickly began to drop. Here I was, in a new environment, surrounded by a bunch of people that I've never seen before, all in their own cliques. I just got here and I was already feeling sad and alone - great. Luckily, a few minutes later the first bell rang, signaling the start of school.  

                Like a typical new kid, I sat all the way in the back, silent. Sure, I gave some awkward, friendly smiles to people in the class, but for the most part, I remained silent. And that's pretty much how the rest of my classes that day went.  When I got home I recapped what had happened that day and suddenly I started getting all sad again. "Today's only the first day. It's normal to be feeling like this. Things are going to get better eventually," I reminded myself. But sadly, the rest of that first week was the same. And so was the next week after that. And the next week after that. I began to think that things were never going to get better. As more weeks had passed, more work had been given to us and classes started running normally.

                One day during English, we were given an assignment to write an essay. I sat there that whole period, frozen, staring at my blank paper, while everyone else in the class wrote paragraphs and paragraphs. It was then that I realized I was the stupid one in the class. I grew even more sad and mad at myself. My eyes started to water and my vision was getting blurry. I thought about how stupid I was and how lonely I was. I thought about how much I hated this new school and how much I missed my old school, how much I missed my old friends. Tears began to stream down my face and onto my not-so-empty paper. I was having an emotional breakdown in the middle of class- how embarrassing. And it wasn't only that class that this had occurred in. It happened in every single class and every single day.

                I couldn't believe how different my high school experience had been so far. I was no longer that loud, crazy girl, with a bunch of friends. I was quiet, shy, and pretty much a loser with only one friend. I didn't know anybody. I was no longer that smart girl in every class who'd constantly be in the honor roll. I was that stupid one in the class with a low GPA. My confidence had decreased by a lot. I missed my old friends. I missed my old self. I hated high school. I hated everything. Everyday I'd call my friends telling them how much I miss them and how much I hate how things had been lately.

One day after school, to get my stress out, I went to Kalihi YMCA to workout. This place was already like a second home to me so just being there made me feel just the slightest bit happy. While working out I realized something; things aren't  going to come easy in life. You can't just sit around and expect things to get better. I can't expect to get a toned body if I don't push myself and try. I can't expect to gain more friends in school if I don't try. I can't expect to do good in school if I don't study and try. It was then that I gained a better insight on things.

            From that day forward, I started talking to more people and I ended up joining Moanalua's Judo team. In short, I learned that things aren't going to come easy in life. You need to work for it. The hardest things in life are the ones are most rewarding.